I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize