I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
