And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
