Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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