Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
