I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
