Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
