Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
