If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
