Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
