He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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