I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
