How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
