I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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