Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
