20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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