i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
