while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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