This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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