i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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