I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
