Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
