wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
