I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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