OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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