Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
