I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
