This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
