Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
