I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
