Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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