my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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