Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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