I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
