She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
