hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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