i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it glows. i had to have it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
