He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
