Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
