based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
