Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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