I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
