Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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