Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
