Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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