Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
that is very illegal...i love you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
