Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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