last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I stole a fireplace last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
