the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
