just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
