First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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