i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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